Time to upgrade

After reading this review, I can’t wait to go out and buy the new device.

“The new device is an improvement over the old device, making it more attractive for purchase by all Americans,” said Thomas Wakefield, a spokesperson for the large conglomerate that manufactures the new device. “The old device is no longer sufficient. Consumers should no longer have any use or longing for the old device.”

Added Wakefield, “The new device will retail for $395.”

Able to remain operational for longer periods of time and occupy a demonstrably smaller three-dimensional space, the new device is so advanced when compared to the old device that it makes the old device appear much older than it actually is. However, the new device is reportedly not so radically different as to cause confusion or unwanted anxiety among those familiar with the feel of the old device.

“Its higher price indicates to me that it is superior, and that not everyone will be able to afford it, which only makes me want to possess it more,” said Tim Sturges, owner of the old device, which he obtained 18 months ago when it was still the new device. “I feel a strong urge to purchase the new device. Owning the new device will please me and improve my daily life.”

GOP deficit reduction (not)

The following clip is a preview of just how effective a Republican-controlled Congress might be in reducing the deficit. The first thing they will try to do is extend all the Bush tax-cuts. Then, so they say, they will ruthlessly cut expenditures. Of course, military spending will not be cut. And Medicare will not be cut, given the Tea party opposition to any cuts there.

So exactly where will they make cuts? Just listen to former-HP CEO, Carly Fiorina, running for the Senate in California. She promises huge cuts in spending but cannot offer an example of a single entitlement expenditure she would cut.

Here is a similar prediction by David Frum, former economic speechwriter for President George W. Bush. The entire article is worth a careful read.

While Republicans have been campaigning hard against Democratic overspending, they have scored even more points by attacking the one example of Democratic budget-cutting: the reductions in Medicare spending in the Democrats’ health reform.

Boehner has proposed that the first order of business for a new House majority would be a vote to repeal the Obama Medicare cuts. Unlike the tax vote, this vote could actually go somewhere. And even if it somehow fizzles out — if the bill vanishes into the Senate or is shunted aside by the president — Boehner’s proposal signals what is to come:

Republicans are coming to depend more and more heavily on the support of older voters. (Back in 1988, voters over 60 were the most pro-Democratic group in the electorate, now over-65s are by far the most Republican.)

First time traveller spotted

Cropped screenshot of Charlie Chaplin and Paul...
Charlie Chaplin and Paulette Goddard in The Great Dictator

So someone has spotted a woman in a 1928 Charlie Chaplin film speaking on a cellphone. The only possible explanation: she must have travelled back in time.

I’m convinced.

Future dictionary

Current Headshot

Image via Wikipedia

Douglas Coupland (pictured at right) has a dictionary of terms from the near future in the New York Times. As usual, he is both funny and insightful.

Excerpt:

INTERRUPTION-DRIVEN MEMORY We remember only red traffic lights, never the green ones. The green ones keep us in the flow, the red ones interrupt and annoy us.

INTRAFFINITAL MELANCHOLY VS. EXTRAFFINITAL MELANCHOLY Which is lonelier: to be single and lonely, or to be lonely within a dead relationship?

KARAOKEAL AMNESIA Most people don’t know the complete lyrics to almost any song, particularly the ones they hold most dear. (See also Lyrical Putty)

LIMITED POOL ROMANTIC THEORY The belief that there is a finite number of times in which one can fall in love, most commonly six.

LYRICAL PUTTY The lyrics one creates in one’s head in the absence of knowing a song’s real lyrics.

By the way, if you have never read any of his work, I would suggest either Microserfs: A Novel (P.S.) or Miss Wyoming.